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Thomas Merton Advent Journal Entries
O
God, My God! Why am I so mute? I long to cry out and out to Thee, over
and over, and Thou art nameless and infinite. All our names for Thee are
not Thy name, infinite Trinity. But Thy Word is Jesus, and I cry the
name of Thy Son and live in the love of His heart and believe, if He
wills, He will bring me the answer to my only prayer: that I may
renounce everything and belong entirely to the Lord! -Dec 5, 1941 (1)
It
is five years since I came to the monastery. It is the same kind of
day, overcast. But now it is raining. I wish I knew how to begin to be
grateful to God and to Our Lady for bringing me here.
There
was a long interval after afternoon work. It was good to be in the big
quiet church. The church is dark, these winter afternoons. I knelt there
behind the pillar with distractions and images floating around on the
surface of my mind. But, underneath, a growing recollection got hold of
me--a sense of obscure love that anchored me in God.
-Dec 10, 1946 (2)
Yesterday--bright
sun--I took seven scholastics out to burn cedar brush in the woods,
allotted to us as our little portion. Today, after dinner, under a grey
cold sky, I went out there and found the fire still smoldering under the
fine silver-grey ash. I stirred up the ashes and sat by the fire with
the wind blowing on my back and ready about the humility of the Desert Fathers,
and presently it began to snow. I had been praying to Our Lady for
strength and perseverance. ...Our Lady--how God willed her fate--not
that He predetermined it, but her free choice to obey Him fulfilled His
will. I could see, in the light of her presence, that my own choice
would fulfill God's will in me... I feel great peace and my heart has
never been so free, so poor and so empty.
-Advent 1952 (3)
Lit
candles in the dusk. This is my resting place forever--the sense of a
journey ended, of wandering at an end. The first time in my life I ever
really felt I had come home and that my waiting and looking were ended.
A burst of sun through the window. Wind in the pines. Fire in the grate. Silence over the whole valley.
-Dec 16, 1960 (4)
Yesterday afternoon was long, quiet, beautiful. Meditation
by the field, sitting on dead branches, under low pines, sun and wind.
The determination to meditate right, and to seek "salvation." to
concentrate on this, everything else worthless-except insofar as it
helps clarify meditation. Dark woods. The red squirrel in the tree top
vanishes into his hole, which gets a little winter sun. A moment when
the flame could be believed to be out, only the moon, the tall trees,
the red grass, the wet snow under the boots. All of it cool, without the
flame. Utter madness of all life even here.
-Dec 27, 1963 (5)
Advent weather-grey-28-probably snow again soon. Early morning reading Faulkners' The Bear.
Shattering, cleansing, a mind-changing and transforming myth that makes
you stop to think about re-evaluating everything...makes you break
through the futility and routine of ordinary life and see the greatness
of existence, its seriousness, and the awfulness of wasting it. And how
easy it is to waste and trivialize it.
-Dec 2 1966 (6)
Christmas is very close... It is going to be a cold night. Bright stars, cold woods, silence.
-Dec 23, 1967 (7)
Notes
1) Hart, Patrick, ed. Run to the Mountain. (HarperSanFrancisco).
2) Montaldo, Jonathan, ed. Entering the Silence.
3) Cunningham, Lawrence S., ed. A Search for Solitude.
4) Kramer, Victor A., ed. Turning Toward the World.
5) Daggy, Robert E., ed. Dancing In the Water of Life.
6) Bochen, Christine M., ed. Learning to Love.
7) Hart, Patrick O.C.S.O. ed. The Other Side of the Mountain.
Posted by Debra Classen at 12/7/2010 11:19 PM 
Categories: Reflections, meditations
Tags: Thomas Merton
Categories: Reflections, meditations
Tags: Thomas Merton
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