Disappointments and God by Debra Classen
Missed connections, a harsh comment instead of kindness, silence instead of communication, judgment instead of compassion, anxiety instead of security, I watched and I
waited and as I put away the Christmas ornaments this year I couldn't
seem to shake the lingering disappointment and sadness. It was not the
kind of disappointment I had when I was kid, the let down after all the
excitement and fun, it was of a different kind. I have been thinking
about the word 'disappointments' which the dictionary defines as an emotional reaction to unmet expectations.
The definition reminded me of a quote by Father Richard Rohr I heard over twenty years ago. It went something along these lines, "Americans are the only ones who expect constant and instant happiness. We are the richest and most powerful country in the world and Americans expect life to make them happy all the time. They are let down by the smallest of difficulties. While in third world countries where survival for the basic necessities of life; food, water, shelter, safety leaves people happy when their most basic needs are met." I am certainly one of those who have been richly blessed all of my life in that I do not go hungry or homeless and I do not live under a political regime. I was born in a country where I have lived my life with the privilege of great freedoms.
The definition reminded me of a quote by Father Richard Rohr I heard over twenty years ago. It went something along these lines, "Americans are the only ones who expect constant and instant happiness. We are the richest and most powerful country in the world and Americans expect life to make them happy all the time. They are let down by the smallest of difficulties. While in third world countries where survival for the basic necessities of life; food, water, shelter, safety leaves people happy when their most basic needs are met." I am certainly one of those who have been richly blessed all of my life in that I do not go hungry or homeless and I do not live under a political regime. I was born in a country where I have lived my life with the privilege of great freedoms.
I
asked myself, I asked God what my disappointment was about? Certainly I
have much to be grateful for. All of my most basic needs are more than
met, yet on an emotional level we all struggle for the basic
necessities of knowing we are loved, knowing we matter, being heard, having dreams and hope, knowing our life has meaning.
I married into a large family with communication so vastly different than my family of origin
that the comparison of California's seventy degrees and Ohio's three
feet of snow probably is a pretty good analogy. The landscape of two
vastly different terrains of family have challenged me in unexpected
ways. This Christmas I visited with many nieces and nephews--most of
them now young adults. I watch their struggles as they each attempt to
carve out their way in the world. Church, prayer, faith are not a part
of their world, but a daily part of my prayers for all fifteen of them.
Like all families, there are difficulties and heartaches. Yet with the blessings of good health, education and youth I had expected less heartache, more joy. I floundered with disppointment.
I expected to connect better, but felt rendered mute. I expected to celebrate, but was left grieving. I expected to be better than I was, but saw clearly my own inadequacies. I expected to energetically engage in the festivities, yet I was tired. And dare I say it, I expected God to shine His beauty, His strength, His power, boldly and brilliantly at Christmas time. Where was God's wisdom, brilliance and beauty in my family, in my community, in the world? Where was He hiding this Christmas?
Then
I went to Midnight Mass. At the front of the church there was a lowly
manager with the Christ child, reminding me again of the way in which
God had come into this world. In every way I am sure He was disppointed
with the lot of humanity and the welcome He received. He came humbly,
quietly, in silent vulnerability.
Late
last night, unable to sleep I read a chapter in Ronald Rolheiser's
book, "A Holy Longing". In a page that seemed to be written for me,
speaking directly to all the disappointment of Christmas and the
disappointments of life for each of us the words rang out in beautiful
peals of truth and presence. I closed the book and wept. I did not weep
with disappointment, but with gratitude. God's beauty is shining out in
the impossible circumstances of each of our lives. It is these very
moments that Christ is born again in each of our hearts....
"God's power does not
overpower anyone or anything. It lies muted, at the deep moral and
spiritual base of things. It does not overpower with muscle, or
attractiveness, or brilliance, or grace, as does the speed and muscle
of an Olympic athlete, the physical beauty of a young film star, or the
gifted speech or rhetoric of the brilliant orator or author. These
latter things--muscle, swiftness, beauty, brilliance, grace--reflect
God's glory, but they are not the primary way God shows power in this
world. God's power in the world has a very different look and a very
different feel to it.
What does God's power look like? How does it feel to feel as God in this world?
If you have ever
been overpowered physically and been helpless in that, if you have ever
been hit or slapped by someone and been powerless to defend yourself
or fight back, then you felt how God feels in this world. If you have
ever dreamed a dream and found that every effort you made was hopeless
and that your dream could never be realized, if you have cried tears
and felt shame at your own inadequacy, then you have felt how God feels
in this world.
If you have ever
been shamed in your enthusiasm and not given a chance to explain
yourself, if you have ever been cursed for your goodness by people who
misunderstood you and were powerless to make them see things in your
way, then you have felt how God feels in this world.
If you have ever
tied to make yourself attractive to someone and were incapable of it,
if you have ever loved someone and wanted desperately to somehow make
him or her notice you and found yourself hopelessly unable to do so,
then you have felt how God feels in this world.
If you have ever
felt yourself aging and losing both the health and tautness of a young
body and the opportunities that come with that and been powerless to
turn back the clock, if you have ever felt the world slipping away from
you as you grow older and ever more marginalized, then you have felt
how God feels in this world. ..
God never
overpowers. God's power in this world is never the power of a
muscle, speed, a physical attractiveness, a billiance, or a grace which
blows you away and make you shout; "Yes! Yes! There is a God." The
world's power tries to work that way. God's power though is more muted,
more helpless, more shamed, and more marginalized. But it lies at a
deeper level, at the ultimate base of things, and will, in the
end, gently have the final say."*
Yes God will gently and powerfully have the final say in His muted, brilliant, gentle power and beauty.
*Rolheiser, Ronald. The Holy Longing: The Serach for A Christian Spirituality (Doubleday, 1999), p. 186-7.
Posted by Debra Classen at 1/7/2010 11:08 AM 
Categories: Relationships,Reflections,Journal
Tags: disappointment God no control Christmas
Categories: Relationships,Reflections,Journal
Tags: disappointment God no control Christmas
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