Anger Homily by Father Michael Denk
Father Michael Denk is a Catholic priest and a board member of
"The Mute Swan Ministry", but this barely scratches the surface of what
he does and how many things he is involved in. As he said himself last
week, "I love being a priest". What makes Father Michael such a great
priest is his authenticity, he shares honestly and openly about his own
struggles, but he also has a great heart for people.
Much
of our anger is distorted. The traffic moved too slowly. Our spouse
didn't do what we wanted. My boss yelled at me. My computer crashed
and I lost my calendar. Benjamin Franklin once said: “Anger is never without a reason, but seldom with a good one”
He has written on anger, an emotion we all struggle with
at one time or another. It is not whether we get angry or not, anger is
a part of the human palate of emotions, but it is what we do with our
anger. Even Jesus became angry at the money-changers in the temple.
Anger Homily
by, Father Michael Denk
Anger Homily
by, Father Michael Denk
St. Barnabus Parish
Northfield, Ohio
Why
do people get angry? We get angry when we or someone we love is
wronged. It is important to realize, though, that there are two types
of anger: Definitive anger and Distorted anger.
Definitive anger: When someone has wronged us.
Distorted anger: When things didn't go our way.
Definitive anger: When someone has wronged us.
Distorted anger: When things didn't go our way.
Definitive
Anger would be when someone truly wrongs us or someone we love. This
is a Righteous Anger. And it is an anger that is given to us to
motivate us to make things right.
Distorted
anger, that is anger when things didn’t go our way, is still very
intense and must be processed. Definitive Anger must also be processed
and if necessary acted upon in a positive loving way.
“Anger was meant to be a visitor, never a resident.”
“Anger was meant to be a visitor, never a resident.”
Scripture is certain about this: Today’s second reading from Ephesians clearly states that: All bitterness, fury, anger, shouting, and reviling must be removed from you, along with all malice. In other places scripture echoes the same response:
Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun set on your anger, and do not leave room for the devil. (Do not give the devil a chance to work on you!)
-Ephesians 4:26
But now you must put them all away: anger, fury, malice, slander, and obscene language out of your mouths.
-Colossians 3:8
Give up your anger, abandon your wrath; do not be provoked; it brings only harm.
-Psalm 37:8
One
of the most common and difficult things that many of us deal with
personally is anger. So how do we remove all bitterness, fury, anger,
shouting, and reviling, along with all malice? How do we do remove this
intense feeling which swells up inside us? Notice Paul doesn’t say to
burry it, put it off, or to ignore it, he clearly says IT MUST BE
REMOVED.
Dr. Gary Chapman has written a book called Anger: Handling a Powerful Emotion in a Healthy Way
(2007) that addresses how we can use anger positively. In one section
of the book he lays out five steps for processing anger and ultimately
removing it so that it does not become a resident, but a visitor. Two
themes must be kept in mind through all of these steps: We must always
be both positive and loving.
In one section of his book, Dr. Chapman lays out a workable process to handle our anger towards people we love. The two arching themes in our reaction to our anger must always be both positive and loving. So here’s five steps that we can use anytime we find ourselves experiencing anger:
Step 1: Acknowledge to yourself that you are angry. Say these words to yourself, “I am angry.” I don’t want to bury this. I want to deal with it.
In one section of his book, Dr. Chapman lays out a workable process to handle our anger towards people we love. The two arching themes in our reaction to our anger must always be both positive and loving. So here’s five steps that we can use anytime we find ourselves experiencing anger:
Step 1: Acknowledge to yourself that you are angry. Say these words to yourself, “I am angry.” I don’t want to bury this. I want to deal with it.
Just
realizing that we are angry can help us to stop fueling it and begin
the process of letting it go. We need to name it and claim it before
we can get rid of it.
Step 2:
Restrain your immediate response. Don’t let your emotions sweep you
into saying or doing something hurtful. Count to 10 (or 100, or better
yet 1,000), tell God you are angry, and take a time-out. I always love
teaching people the acronymn HALT. We should never speak or make a
decision when we are Hungry, Angry, Lonely, or Tired). And Anger is a
big one.
“Speak when you are angry - and you'll make the best speech you'll ever regret.” Dr. Lawrence Peter
“Anger is only one letter short of danger” –popular quote
“If you are patient in one moment of anger, you will escape a hundred days of sorrow.” –Chinese Proverb
Step 3:
Find the focus of your anger. Why are you feeling angry? Is it a major
or a minor issue? Is it definitive anger: someone has wronged me or is
it distorted anger: I didn’t get my way?
One
of the best ways of processing anger is by talking it out with a
trusted friend, parent, counselor, priest, spiritual director.
“Venting” to someone can help you express it and process it. But it
needs to be productive venting, not griping or slandering, but sorting
through these questions so that you can make a positive and loving
response.
Step 4: What are your options? Think through what your response could be.
Should you lovingly confront?
Our Lord confronts others when he himself or those he loved were wronged:
At
this he turned around and, looking at his disciples, rebuked Peter and
said, "Get behind me, Satan. You are thinking not as God does, but as
human beings do." MK 8:33
When
the disciples James and John saw this they asked, "Lord, do you want us
to call down fire from heaven to consume them?" Jesus turned and
rebuked them,
and they journeyed to another village. Luke 9:54-56)
Should you choose to overlook?
It is good sense in a man to be slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook an offense. Proverbs 19:11
If it is something that is not serious we can consciously choose to overlook it.
Should you turn it over to God and let him deal with the offender?
Beloved,
do not look for revenge but leave room for the wrath; for it is
written, "Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord." Romans 12:19)
There
are some things that we are better off not dealing with. There are
some people that it just would not be helpful to confront. And we need
to turn these people over to God and surrender.
Step 5:
Take action. Choose one of these three options, share your decision
with God, and then act on it. Either lovingly confront the person,
choose to overlook it, or turn it over to God and allow Him to deal
with the person.
So just to review here are the 5 steps:
So just to review here are the 5 steps:
1. Admit to yourself that you are angry
2. Restrain yourself until you can process it – count to 1,000
3. Try to discover the source of your anger.
4. Analyze your options with God and others.
5. Make a firm act of the will and take action.
2. Restrain yourself until you can process it – count to 1,000
3. Try to discover the source of your anger.
4. Analyze your options with God and others.
5. Make a firm act of the will and take action.
By
allowing ourselves to process our anger it will not only keep us from
lashing out, but allow us to use our anger for good. These steps will help us to remove all bitterness, fury, anger, shouting, reviling, along with all malice.
Remember: “Anger was meant to be a visitor, never a resident.”
Fr. Michael J. Denk
http://www.stbarnabasfamily.org/
Posted by Debra Classen at 9/4/2009 10:48 AM 
Categories: Reflections
Tags: anger management♠♠ Father Michael Denk anger
Categories: Reflections
Tags: anger management♠♠ Father Michael Denk anger
Very relevant to our current society, who are so often so angry and mean-spirited.
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Hi Fr Michael, thanks for posting your homily. I appreciated it very mich.
Is there any way for me to read material written by Fr Robert McCreary? I enjoyed listening to his sermon on Cardinal O' Malley's blog. Thank you for your help.
Caroline A A David
Malaysia
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