I came from a small family with few extended family members. Our family owned and operated the local ice rink in Modesto, California and we all worked full time at the ice rink. We hosted hockey games, skating competitions and ice shows, birthday parties and church events, and we saw plenty of people all though the week. We ate our meals at the ice rink and my entire social life throughout high school existed within an ice rink. Those who came to skate and those I worked with were my social network. I don't remember attending a school, church, or community function socially, my world was inside the ice rink. Perhaps because of this somewhat unusual situation, added to my extreme shyness, and the fact that we moved in the middle of my high school years I don't have friends from those high school years. I also did not learn to be community or social minded. I didn't attend church until I became Catholic at age 30, my first funeral was at age 21, and my first wedding (one I planned by reading a library book about weddings) was my sister's ten weeks after my first funeral. The second wedding I attended was my own. 

I married into a big family, with family and social obligations almost every weekend. Socially challenged, I had no clue as to the social etiquette of showing up or not showing up as I began to navigate the terrain of new family relationships, a new community, and a new faith. The only thing I knew for sure was how to write a good "thank you" note. My mother and Grandmother had adamantly instilled this in me from a very early age. Learning the social roles of wife and mother in community meant learning the politics of good social behavior and was not easy. I had no tutorial, no mentor and learned most lessons through the humility of social gaffes discovered after the fact. I had little experience and an introverted personality. Occasionally I heard comments that I seemed 'standoffish' or 'arrogant' and was shocked to discover these adjectives applied to me. I thought, "If they only knew how insecure and inept I really feel". On most social occasions I would find one interesting person to talk with and stay planted, or remain like a barnacle on my extroverted husband's arm. Eventually I discovered that drinking calmed me and I often gulped a few glasses of wine before leaving for any function.The liquid courage gave me the initial confidence I felt I needed to be a social butterfly.

As life moved on and I had to attend my children's school events, my husband's work conferences, funerals, weddings, baptisms, baby showers, anniversary parties, and hundreds of family events I developed an intuitive compass to steer me through, what remained more anxiety ridden than fun, social events. When my life became so busy that it appeared  a morass of get together's with no 'get-aparts' I began to lose my footing and any sense of 'me'. I found it increasingly difficult to battle my way through the anxiety and a deepening depression out into the social arena. Eventually I descended into a depression that sucked me into a quiet, dark place of solitude that did not allow anyone in and a place I couldn't or wouldn't leave. It was through this difficult time that I crossed a chasm to discover, for the first time, a relationship with myself, God, and the beauty of God's creations. I sat in this pool of sad silence and solitude and listened to the stillness of God. For the first time in my life, I traveled alone. I drove to a monastery in Kentucky and spent five days separated from the busyness, the people, and obligations of my life and found myself more connected to God, myself and others in this strange silence and solace, than I had ever been in a group. When I returned I found that the rupture in my emotional well being had realigned the landscape of my relationships. I began to discover islands of contemplative contentment, which freed me to be more fully present to the present. My husband no longer cajoled me into attending every function with him, and I noticed he sometimes even visited my island of contemplation too. 

I thought about these things, as the tide of people who had come to town for our daughter's wedding receded. The many relatives and guests, traveling from Pennsylvania, New York, Florida, Colorado, California, Texas and Arizona had come for a round of social events celebrating a marriage. The occasion had been one of the happiest of my life.  Waves of people arriving and departing throughout the week of the wedding, every bed and room in our home full and meals and lively conversation with old friends and new people. There was no anxiety or trepidation, I had thoroughly enjoyed myself. I was pleasantly surprised, even thrilled to discover the effort and distance many of our guests were willing to travel to be present at such an important event in our family. My father, older now and easily tired had not been to Ohio in 15 years, came, celebrated. His traveling included a one hour car ride to the nearest airport, a commuter flight to San Francisco, and another 5 hour plane ride to Cleveland made the 'voyage'. He had not been to Ohio in 15 years and he came and celebrated his granddaughter's marriage. The groom had friends with busy jobs, young families, and little money and they came. The bride had cousins, aunts and uncles who came to celebrate. It was the people who had made the occasion so special.

Yet there were those who chose not to traverse the distance, leaving distance in relationships by their lack of presence. Confused and hurt by a few of these "will not attend" checked off, I reminded myself about my own dark times of "will not attend"  and that perhaps my lack of presence had hurt others too. The truth is we all struggle to figure it out. We each have a family history where we watched early on, how the adults in our lives acclimated social obligations into the family system. We each have our extroverted and introverted personalities that make it easy or difficult to engage with groups of people. We each are in a particular stage of life which requires more or less of our time. If we are raising a young family, working, and community minded we may be saying so many 'yeses' that we don't have any more 'yeses' left. We each have financial situations that influence where we go, sometimes we just don't have the funds to get from one place to another. We each have a sense of our essence and the effects of our presence with others and may find it too difficult to navigate some terrains. Hurt or angry, disappointed or betrayed, we may just find it too difficult to attend a particular event. Yet, despite many factors, it remains true that to be present to life's unfolding, present to this moment and these people is perhaps one of the most significant gifts we can offer another at any given time. Our presence in the events of life; birth and death, baptisms and funerals, birthdays and showers, graduations and marriages is how we help one another grieve, celebrate, laugh, cry and love. 

My favorite Scripture passage is the Samaritan woman at the well. A woman, an ostracized Samaritan woman walks to the well in mid-afternoon. She knows that this is the most likely time when she will not encounter anyone. But there is someone there, Christ is there. He is present. He understands her presence, her past, her needs and He offers her "living water". Life giving water is the human presence of our living being, which God offered to mankind in human form. It was the presence of Christ on earth that forever changed humanity with a gift of love beyond anything we had known. And so we are reminded that our presence, our love, may forever change someone's life too. It is this living water which can slake the thirst of loneliness and despair, giving dimension and beauty to those very human events of life that we share. God created us for one another and commanded us "to love one another as I have loved you." Perhaps our presence may change someone's life--whether it is a celebration we share, a kind word, tears, or silence. The hardest thing to do may be the most important---showing up.

The Everyday of our Lives

While the heat of summer gradually surrenders to the cooler breezes of autumn, the church’s liturgical calendar celebrates its longest season, Ordinary Time.  A year of preparation has brought us, the communion of saints, to this point.  To begin with, Advent presents a time of waiting for the birth of Jesus; Christmas Season, a time to pay homage to our God—both divine and human; Lent, a time of repentance; and finally, Easter Triduum culminates into Easter Season, a time for rejoicing in our redemption, through Jesus’ resurrection. 

The wisdom of Holy Mother Church provides these thirty-three or thirty-four weeks of Ordinary Time as a sanctuary of proclamation.  The readings declare that we have been saved, forgiven, and reconciled to the covenant between God and His children.  The focus is intended to remind us of the roots of salvation history.  The salvation faithfully promised in the Old Testament is fulfilled in the New Testament. 

Our lives, too, celebrate seasons.  The photos that line our bookcases and fill our family albums attest to the special events: weddings, graduations, baptisms, vacations, and anniversaries.  But what of the many usual weeks and months that don’t merit photographs?  In fact, our personal “Ordinary Times” are what roots our lives as well.  From these roots, we live our values and find embedded deep in our routines our personal proclamations of being God’s children.  In our day-to-day witness of living, loving and giving, we reflect His love.  Through ordinary events, God guides us to a mature sense of daily spiritual mindfulness. 

During Jesus’ life, God, the Father, was present in the many aspects of his journey.   In his teaching, healing, communal breaking and sharing, and ultimately, his gift of dying, Jesus celebrated the Joy and Sacrifice of everyday living.  God is also present in our lives. Although we have no photos to show that we wait in physicians’ offices, carpool to softball games, or scramble to prepare dinner, nevertheless, we live these events.  Through these precious rooted days, God’s constancy teaches the hand-in-hand effect of Joy and Sacrifice.  As we discern the ways of everyday living in God’s love, we are affirmed of His everlasting presence in every moment.  In the bounty of ordinariness, we proclaim, “Father, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come” (Lk 11:2).

We often think it’s the big choices in life that will have the biggest impact.  Kind of like Robert Frost’s poem which ends with Two roads diverged in a wood, and I, I took the one less traveled by, And that has made all the difference. 

We agonize over all these different paths, where we will go to school, what we will do for work, who we will marry, what path we will take.  The serious dilemma however is, not necessarily choosing the wrong path, but never fully choosing the path that we are on. 

Let me explain.  You are on a path right now.  Since your baptism you have been on a path to holiness.  And as we grow into mature disciples God calls us to live out that vocation in a unique way.  This can be played out in four ways: Married Life, Single Life, Priesthood, and Religious.  Now these are very different paths and have to be taken seriously, prayed about, and chosen.  But once we have made that commitment the real danger is never fully embracing that path. 

For example a couple who wanted to have a wedding in the Church and chose to profess and promise their love and commitment to God, the Church Community and to each other, but never come back to mass after that, never really grow in their faith, never really learn or study their faith, give to the poor, or pray with their children.  A mother or father who gets caught up in their career and begins to make sacrifices of their family to serve their career. 

The same could be said for someone who is called to the single life, but never fully embraces it.  Instead of using their gifts and talents in service to the church and to others they use it for wealth or for fame.  Someone who is called to the single life, but continues to act out sexually and never grows up from the years of college parties. 

The same could be said for me, if I don’t fully embrace the path I have chosen.  If I don’t consistently pray every day and grow in my love for the Eucharist.  Or find myself attached to the rich and neglect the poor.  Or get caught up in bitterness and seek relief in people or things outside of God. 

Finally, someone who has not fully embraced their path, a religious sister or brother who avoids living the life that they have been called to of poverty, chastity, and obedience.  One who dwells in self-pity, poor-me, look at how much I’ve had to give up. 

Yes, all these are examples of how not fully embracing the path that we are on.  The scriptures today give us examples of the gravity of following the path that we have been called to and not turning back. 

In the first reading when Elijah is called by God to anoint Elisha to be the prophet to succeed him… he throws the cloak over Elisha and appoints him.  Elisha’s path has been chosen, but Elisha hesitates… “Please let me kiss my father and mother goodbye, and I will follow you.”  Elijah answered, “Go back!”  And Elisha decides to embrace his path chosen for him.  He takes his livelihood, his plowing equipment and burns it and his oxen and slaughters them, and gives it to the people to eat.  He has fully chosen his road and there is no turning back for him. 

And in the Gospel Jesus says to another… “Follow me.”  There is a hesitation, “Lord let me go first and bury my father.”  Jesus does not accept this hesitation he desires decisive and immediate action… “Let the dead bury their dead.  But you, go and proclaim the kingdom of God.”  Jesus helps him to see the urgency of following the path that has been chosen for him.  There’s no wiggle room here.  The path is very clear and the time is now. 

Now we do understand the importance of kissing your mother and father goodbye and we have a corporal work of mercy which is burying the dead.  

But Jesus makes it very clear about the importance of fully choosing the path that you are on.  To him Jesus said, “No one who sets a hand to the plow and looks to what was left behind is fit for the kingdom of God.”

The serious dilemma however is, not necessarily choosing the wrong path, but never fully choosing the path that we are on.  The image that Jesus gives to us is don’t look back.  Embrace the path that has been chosen for you. 

This means that if you are married.  Live your marriage to the fullest.  When you were married you promised to be true to your spouse in good times and in bad, in sickness in health, I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.  You promised to accept children lovingly from God and bring them up according to the law of Christ and his Church.  Are you fully living out this promise?  If there is something that needs to be healed in your marriage, seek healing.  If you are looking at other women at work find a way to fall in love with your wife again. 

If you are having difficulties in your marriage that aren’t resolving seek counseling.  Make a retreat together, a Marriage Encounter, or a Retrouville, Christ Renews His Parish, or join the Connections group, If you haven’t been the mother or father that you should be, right now, change your career, cut back your hours, do whatever it is that you need to do to fully choose the path that you are on.  Are you fully choosing the path that you are on? 

If you are single, maybe you’re on summer break.  Don’t let this mass be the end of your time with God for the week.  With your spare time find ways to grow in your faith.  Pick up a book about your catholic faith, set time aside to pray, find ways of getting involved in the parish or in the mass or bring your faith to your friends.  Are you fully choosing the path that you are on? 

For myself as a priest, I have to every day lay my life down on the ground before the crucifix and give myself to God.  I have to let go of whatever or whoever does not help me to be the best, the healthiest, and the holiest priest that God has called me to be for you. Am I fully choosing the path that you are on? 

Our religious sisters and brothers live models for us of lives of poverty, chastity, and obedience… as baptized Christians we are all called to live these to a certain extent in our own lives.  Are we fully choosing the path that we are on? 

Jesus calls us to a certain way of life; he does lay out a path before us.  The danger is not necessarily choosing the wrong path as it is not fully choosing the path that Christ is calling us for. 

He has called you to follow him; your path is different than anyone else’s.  Are you fully choosing to walk the path that you are on? 

     Our eldest daughter, Tegan, was married last weekend to William Zima. Guests and family filed into Holy Angels Catholic Church and the sun shone on a spring landscape of blossoms and buds exploding in color. Off in the distance dark rain clouds were tucked behind the streaks of lavender running across white clouds. I watched the faces of family and friends as they arrived at the church, and then I looked into the face of my daughter, radiating beauty, the face of her groom just before he walked into the church, and finally into the face of my husband as he prepared to give our brown-eyed daughter away in marriage. 

      The sacrament of the marriage was performed by our family friend, a Franciscan priest, Father Robert McCreary. It was during the homily of the wedding mass that he shared the intimacy, the wonder, and the beauty of the human face, "It is the human face which reveals something of the infinite dignity of the person. It is a revelation of the something of eternity; it is an epiphany of beauty and wonder; it is an ethical demand for reverence and respect. It is in the intimacy of love that we look into one another's face and it is the vow of marriage in which we promise to continue to look into the face of the other 'for better or for worse, in sickness and in health... and to look with love and mercy." *

     Father McCreary continued, explaining the philosophy of Emmanuel Levinas, as he spoke the sky grew dark with rain clouds sealing us in on all sides. "The Jewish philosopher Levinas developed not so much a philosophy defined by the love of wisdom, but the wisdom of love. His ethics are based upon the face-to-face encounter of persons, largely influenced by his own experience of the Holocast. Levinas himself survived, as did his daughter and wife who were hidden in a monastery,but his father, mother-in-law and brother were killed. Nazi soldiers were told not to look upon the faces of the Jews they killed, looking into the face of another would leave the soldiers aware and vulnerable to the being of another and perhaps unable to take a life. Levinas understood from the tragedy of the Jewish people at the hands of the Nazis that it is our experience of the encounter with the Other, this relation, that the epiphany of the face-to-face encounter with another isa privileged, yet essential encounter with a person's proximity and distance, one in which we sense something of the essence of a life. Decades later this was understood by a child during the Rwanda genocide who said, "If you knew me you would not kill me". He intuitively understood that if one looks upon the face of another you know something of the mystery of the person's being and might be unable to kill. 

    It is in this developmentally critical and earliest human encounter with the face of our mothers that we first look into her face and begin to learn proximity, distance, 'other' and see a reflection of love. The absence of this encounter is damaging, and one may spend a lifetime seeking its presence. From our beginnings we seek the intimacy of another face, recognizing the transcendence and power of the Other. As helpless infants our very survival is dependent on this look of love. 

     I could see the sky growing a dark violet through the floor length windows of the church. The wind shaking branches heavy with new leaves as the thunder marched closer. Lightening began to streak the sky too, as the priest paused for the crack of thunder, he then continued, describing the previous night at the church. "Bride and groom had faced one another on the altar in a rehearsal of their vows."Another pause as the microphone crackled and thunder boomed, the drama of the passing storm adding to the significance of his words and the ceremony. I began to fear our friar would be fried, but he calmly continued, "When Tegan had looked into Will's face she had been overwhelmed with emotion and began to cry. She quickly looked down, to hide her emotions. We often look away when our face reveals the depth of our emotions, not sure if we will be accepted. Yet the promises of the vows are to look upon the face of one another, a promise to keep looking until death do us part. To KEEP LOOKING is the promise that gets past moods, down days and misunderstandings, conflicts and to look again with mercy. There is no looking into the face of another who is your beloved without mercy. Even God can only look at us by mercy. The most effective cosmetic is mercy upon mercy. It is mercy which radiates the beauty of love from our being."* 

     A few moments later Tegan and Will faced one another, looking into one another's faces as they repeated their vows. And as I looked upon my daughter, I thought back to a time when I had held my tiny, beautiful, brown-eyed baby daughter cradled in my arms. She had finished nursing, almost drifting off to sleep and then her eyes had fluttered wide open, looking directly at me. Her cherub face,small rose bud mouth, and dark eyes had pierced my heart in that instant. Her small hand had reached towards my face, touching my face with an awareness of' other'. The memory of a moment of revelation, an epiphany of love that this new, little life brought crashing into my heart.

     The human face holds the mysteries of our identity, creativity, sexuality, observations, secrets, and communications; all hidden within the mysteries of life itself. In a life journey together we only begin to discover the secrets of another human face. It is astounding that in a world of over six billion other faces, each of our faces tell an original story, revealing personality, genetics, and a unique life journey. Each of our faces tell a unique secret that only our face can tell. It is our face which reveals the individuality of our feelings and thoughts,expressing and disguising who we are. Lovers can't get enough of the face of their beloved, wanting to study the 'other' face to learn the intimacies and mysteries of their beloved. 

     The storm culminated as did the wedding mass and the sky again hid the now distant dark clouds. In a river of grace family and friends poured out of the church into the sunshine, a sea of faces celebrating this new love.     

   Psalm 65 says, "The Lord God will wipe away the tears from all faces; the reproach of his people he will remove from the whole earth." The psalm calls to mind Saint Gregory of Nyssa's word portrait of Christ, the artist, tenderly wiping away all the grim of sin that disfigures the human face and restoring God's image to its full beauty. *Christ, God who came with a human face to wipe away our sin, our sadness, our suffering and restoring God's image to its full beauty. Yes, that is what God does in His love and mercy and it is what we promise to do for one another in love and mercy. 

    May you gaze upon the face of one another  with love and mercy through the years. May you tenderly wipe away one another's tears and rejoice in your love for one another. 

Congratulations William and Tegan.

*Fr. Robert L. McCreary OFM Cap. 2010 Homily, May 22. Holy Angels.

* Emmanuel Levinas, wikipedia.

* Magnicat, May2010.

Let him kiss me with kisses of his mouth

More delightful is your love than wine!

Your name spoken is a spreading perfume--

that is why the maidens love you.

Draw me

We will follow you eagerly

Bring me, O king, to your chambers

With you we rejoice and exult,

we extol your love; it is beyond wine

how rightly you are loved...

The fig tree puts forth its figs,

and the vines, in bloom, give forth fragrance.

Arise my beloved, my beautiful one, and come!

"O my dove in the clefts of the rock,

in the secret recesses of the cliff,

Let me see you,

let me hear your voice,

For your voice is sweet,

and you are lovely."

Song of Songs 1:1-5, 2:13-15

This scriptural study guide, part of the Threshold Bible Study series, examines the glorious Resurrection of the Lord as “a past event, a future prospect, and a present reality” (2). 

The liturgical readings for the entire year, not only during the Season of Easter, invite us to personally embrace salvation history, enriching our relationship with Christ, our Savior.

To begin with, Binz demonstrates how Old Testament scripture is fulfilled in the light of Christ’s Resurrection.  A new covenant has been created which transcends Mosaic Law and is extended to Gentile believers as well.  St. Paul challenges the early Church to “hold firmly to the message” that salvation is for all (1 Cor 15:2).  Then, as now, Christ abides in all humanity.

Binz continues his study by asking what objective each of the evangelists had for writing their resurrection narratives.  He explains that Mark demonstrates Christ’s power, yet Matthew emphasizes the role of the disciples to evangelize, baptize, and teach.  Luke focuses his two volumes on the transition of the fishermen to lead, while John writes of Christ’s divinity. 

The author concludes, “The risen reality of Jesus is impossible to completely describe or understand because it belongs to the age to come, rather than to the limitations of the present age...Christ’s risen presence is ultimately indescribable” (88).

On the first Easter Sunday, Mary Magdalene recognizes the Risen Christ and sings out with joy, “I have seen the Lord” (Jn 20:18).  May we, also, see beyond our human sight to experience Christ deep within us.  May the light of the Resurrection create in us a renewed commitment to His mission of love, forgiveness, and service.     

Author’s bio:  Joanne Bennardo writes from Ohio.